Rekindle Your Childlike Wonder

Posted on May 24, 2012 by

Remember when you were a child, when using your imagination was a natural state of being?  When each day was filled with possibility?

You could be a princess in a castle one moment, slay a dragon (princesses are brilliant, beautiful and tough, you know!), then travel to the moon, and then, after snacktime, create the most fantastic fort out of a cardboard box, pillows and blankets.  All in the space of a morning.

Come to think of it, that sounds creative, productive and fun.  Oh, we have much to learn from kids.

My parents used to subscribe to National Geographic Magazine.  We had stacks around the house.  It was the stuff of dreams.  I’d pore over them for hours, imagining myself visiting the fantastic places I saw on the glossy pages.

When I was nine I went on a school trip to the Art Gallery of Ontario to see the King Tut exhibit.  I was smitten.  That was it, I wanted to be an archaeologist.  Of course, seeing the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark a year later – ah, Harrison Ford (*sigh*) – only reinforced the glamour of it.

Image source: Google Images.

I also wanted to be a photojournalist for National Geographic, seeing and documenting incredible cultures and landscapes.

When you’re a child, anything is possible.  Children don’t impose the limits on themselves that adults do.  You know, like: that’s not even possible; it’s irresponsible; it’s too expensive and there are bills to pay; what would people think? and so on.

In university I went on an archaeological dig for six weeks at a Maya site called Cahal Pech in Belize, Central America.  It was an amazing experience.  I can’t say I still want to be an archaeologist, but I got to experience first-hand what I had previously only read about in books or seen in museums.  Awesome.

A grownup is a child with layers on. ~Woody Harrelson

What if we took some time to peel back the heavy, burdensome layers we carry, and allowed ourselves to imagine what we’d like to do or try if there were no limits?

Part of me would still love to be a photojournalist.  But in reality, there’s nothing stopping me from taking pictures when I travel and writing about my experiences.

Now it’s your turn… dust off that grey matter and think back to when you were a child.  What was something you really, really wanted to do?  Explore the possibilities, even for a few minutes, and ignore that voice inside you that tells you all the reasons you “can’t” or “shouldn’t.”

You could go back to school.  Or try flying lessons.  Learn to swim.  Try horseback riding.  Sing in front of an audience.  Go to a castle.  (leave the dragon-slaying to the imaginary princesses though, please).  Charter a boat.  Visit the Great Wall of China.

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

It’s your life and it’s precious.  What would you choose to do with it?

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Being a Mom

Posted on May 13, 2012 by

My husband and I got married young.  We were 22.  We knew we didn’t have life figured out, but decided to take on the world together.  One thing we did know, back then, was that we wanted to have kids.

Someday.

For me, it felt like a very far-off someday.  I wanted to travel, get my career underway and spend time as a couple before we added to the mix.  I was in no rush.

My family, on the other hand, was in more of a hurry.  Thankfully, no amount of good-intentioned coaxing – the initial casual questions (“So, are you talking about kids yet?”), the later, more insistent ones (“When are you having kids?  Are you ever going to have kids?”), then finally the half-joking offers to give us instructional DVDs (“Do you need help to know how it’s done?”) – led us to start down that path until we were ready.

But in our early days I just didn’t feel drawn to motherhood.

I remember our first anniversary when Chris and I drove down to Walt Disney World.  We were on the monorail and watched in horror as a little kid whined and complained, all while his nose was running into the chocolate ice cream that was smeared all over his face.  Definitely not let’s-make-a-baby material.

I also remember a get-together where family friends were visiting with their two young girls.  It was time for everyone to eat, and our friends didn’t sit down for at least 20 minutes – they were busy chasing their girls, trying to get them to sit down, feed them, get them whatever they needed before they could even begin to think about themselves.  I was exhausted just watching.

And I remember wondering, why would anyone choose that?  They can’t even relax.

So it came as a bit of a surprise one day, 12 years later, when I realized I wanted to be a mom.  It wasn’t even a matter of my “clock ticking,” I just felt ready.  And Chris was all for it.

So… 13 years into our marriage, we were fortunate to welcome our first child into the world.  And now we have two awesome little boys.

It’s an amazing thing, being a mom.  It’s more incredible, humbling, scary, exciting and exhausting than I ever – in a million years – would have imagined.  People can tell you what it’s like until they’re blue in the face, but until you’ve experienced it, you can’t really, fully know.

And I wouldn’t change any of it.  (Well, except maybe to get more sleep).

It’s bizarre.  As a mom you accept things from your kids that you wouldn’t take from anyone else.  And then you come back for more.

I’ve been peed on.  Pooed on.  Vomited on.  I’ve had toy cars thrown at my head.  I’ve had food thrown at my head.  I’ve almost had the hair pulled out of my head.  Our furniture is more “distressed” than we ever intended.  I’ve been physically exhausted to the point of being in a mental fog.  Emotionally exhausted.  Zombie-like exhausted.  For several months straight.

Who takes this kind of treatment?!

We do.  The moms.  And we do it with a shocking intensity of love.

But oh, the rewards…

The sweet, chubby arms wrapped tightly around me in a wordless expression of love.  The face that lights up when I enter the room.  The giggles.  The first – and all the following – times I’ve heard “I love you, Mommy.”  The life wisdom that comes, by complete surprise, from my little ones.

The fact that I’m learning so much more from my kids than I could ever hope to teach them.  The fact that being a mom has made me a better – and stronger – person.

The fact that they’ve expanded my heart.

I firmly believe that being a mom is the toughest, most rewarding role a person could hold.  In this role you impact your kids, and countless others in your kids’ futures, through the values you teach.  And while you do everything you do, you’re expected to be sensitive yet need to be a pillar of strength.

But you know what?  I’ll handle the pee, vomit and the rest of it, because to be honest, I have the sweeter end of the deal.  I love being a mom.  And I’m so grateful.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there – especially my Mom and my Mother-in Law.  For everything you do, you are amazing.

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Marriage, Motherhood, Parenting, Purpose | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Small Acts of Kindness

Posted on May 3, 2012 by

There are times in my life when I’ve been struck with the realization that with the billions of people on this vast planet, each one of us is so small, just a blip really.  A blip in scope, and a blip in time.  It’s humbling and scary.

What can one person do?

A lot, actually.  Although we’re small, we’re not insignificant.  Each of us holds an awesome power.  The power to make a difference.

Even our smallest actions can have a huge, lasting impact.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

We all hold immeasurable potential, even when we don’t see it or feel it.  We each have unique talents and qualities, and hold a place on this planet that no one else can fill.

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” ~ Lady Galadriel to Frodo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

It’s a daily choice.  Do I take the time to lend someone a helping hand?  Do I notice when someone’s having a tough day and lend an ear, or give a smile or hug in support?

If simple, kind actions can help a person in a bleak frame of mind feel even slightly better – and possibly, right when they need it, remind them there’s goodness in people – then why not?

Any positive difference we can make is important and valuable.  We may never know the impact of our actions, but it’s worth the effort regardless.

Have you witnessed any small acts of kindness lately?

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25 Inspiring Quotes

Posted on April 24, 2012 by

I love unearthing great quotes.  A powerful inspirational quote is  like a wise teacher whispering in your ear.  I find it especially gratifying when I stumble across the perfect quote at just the right time.

My list of favourite quotes is long, so I’ll restrain myself and share 25 with you for now.  I hope some of them resonate with you.  If you find one that really fits, make note of it – it may help inspire you when you need it most.

  1. “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase.  Just take the first step.”~ Martin Luther King Jr.
  2. “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein
  3. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
  4. “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
    ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
  5. “Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  ~ Howard Thurman
  6. “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”  ~ Christopher Robin to Pooh
    ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
  7. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon
  8. “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
  9. “Don’t get discouraged; it is often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” ~ Unknown
  10. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” ~ Anthony Robbins
  11. “Be willing to take the first step, no matter how small it is. Concentrate on the fact that you are willing to learn. Absolute miracles will happen.” ~ Louise Hay
  12. “If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” ~ H.E. Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
  13. “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” ~ Albert Einstein
  14. “The point of power is always in the present moment.” ~ Louise Hay
  15. “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” ~ Pope John Paul XXIII
  16. “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~ Maria Robinson
  17. “Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.” ~ Goethe
  18. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss
  19. “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” ~ James Matthew Barrie
  20. “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” ~ Aesop
  21. “There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.” ~ Jill Churchill
  22. “Let us give something to each person we meet: joy, courage, hope, assurance, or philosophy, wisdom, a vision for the future. Let us always give something.” ~ Daisaku Ikeda
  23. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” ~ Helen Keller
  24. “It is vital when educating our children’s brains that we do not neglect to educate their hearts.” ~ Dalai Lama
  25.  “Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” ~ Goethe

More to follow later…

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The Small Stuff Challenge (part 3)

Posted on April 11, 2012 by

Lately I’ve been thinking more about the little stuff, the simple stuff we can do to more fully experience life, brighten someone’s day or pull ourselves out of a bad mood.

In part 1 and part 2 I presented you with a challenge: to actively notice and (gasp!) take part in the “small” stuff in life.  It’s a great way to pull yourself out of auto-pilot and really appreciate what’s right in front of you.

Today I’m continuing that challenge and have some more ideas for you:

Make time for a friend who “gets you.”

Feel the grass under your feet.

Write a note of affection for someone you care about and strategically place it where they’ll stumble across it.

Say thank you to a police officer, firefighter or emergency medical services person for helping keep the public safe.

Have FUN!

Have you enjoyed any small stuff lately?

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Quieting Your Inner Critic

Posted on April 4, 2012 by

You are amazing.

Yes, YOU!

Exactly as you are.  Not after completing some task on your life’s to-do list (examples: lose weight, gain weight, get that promotion, spend more time with your kids, take time to call someone you care about, eat healthy, study more, make time for yourself, be better/ kinder/ more confident/ more patient/ work harder/ work less… you get the picture).  Not then - now.  I’ll say it again because it’s worth repeating.

You are amazing, right now, exactly as you are.

Take a deep breath, drop your shoulders and let that statement settle deep within.

Buddha said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

True.

So why is it our internal voice – the inner critic that tells us we’re not enough, or that we can’t do this or that, or should or shouldn’t do this or that - has such power in our lives?  It reminds us (not so kindly, I might add) of our perceived shortcomings, flaws and that we haven’t yet [insert guilt-inducing distant goal here].  And for some reason we actually listen, on some level, letting it affect our self-esteem.

Well, it’s time to turn that inner critic into an inner advocate.

Here’s a short, simple and powerful exercise I read about in a Louise Hay book years ago.

Look in the mirror – directly into your eyes (important) – and repeat after me:

I love myself exactly as I am.
I love myself exactly as I am.
I love myself exactly as I am. 

In fact, repeat it 10 times.  And, here’s the kicker: mean it!

Try it!  It may feel weird, but just go with me on this – because when repeated often enough (say, daily for a month), it helps quiet that inner critic.

No matter what your current level of happiness or frustration is, don’t put conditions on loving and approving of yourself.  You’re far too important.

Everything in your life has led you to this moment: all the love, joy, pain, disillusionment, excitement, disappointment, friendship, loss, stagnation, lessons learned.

If there’s something in your life you’d really like to change, know there is every potential in this moment.  Decide on a small step of action – something you can follow through on – and see what happens.

But regardless – and most importantly – remember.  You. Are. Awesome.

Just wanted you to know.

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A Seemingly Innocent Word

Posted on March 26, 2012 by

“You can awaken each day to obligations you never chose – or you can decide now to choose them.” ~ Robert Brault

Do you hold yourself back from doing the things you want to do because you may disappoint others?  Maybe you want to leave your job, start your own business, go back to school, live more simply or move to another country.

Many of us subconsciously make decisions based on a common, potentially damaging word: SHOULD.

I bet we’d all like to believe we don’t live our lives to please other people – at least not to the extent it’s to our detriment – but it’s hard to go through life without internalizing the (perceived) expectations of others and then building upon them ourselves.

In a workbook I completed by Barbara Braham, Ph.D. titled “Finding Your Purpose: A Guide to Personal Fulfillment,” Braham states, “People rarely recognize the enormous power that shoulds have to control their behavior and self-perception.”

Braham suggests that people become limited – and their spirit squashed – when they seek outside approval, and their own ideas about what they should have, do or be are in conflict with the ideas of the people around them.  She gives examples: have (a good job, a nice car), do (act your age, check emails frequently) or be (perfect, smart, successful).

I found this interesting.  I used to be a big people-pleaser and it took years to get to the point where I could comfortably set boundaries and say “no” to people.  So I thought I was pretty good in the “should” department.

Hah.

Braham’s book led me to explore my own “should statements” to see if any were holding me back, and replace those with positive value statements that I consciously choose.

It turns out I did have some limiting shoulds.  They were subconscious, so I was pretty surprised when I realized the expectations I was still imposing on myself:

“I should always put others first.”  Wow.  I can feel the oppressive weight of that one as I write it.

I have since replaced it with a much more empowering statement I created: “I take care of myself as top priority, knowing that when my needs are met I’ll be able to consider the needs and well-being of others.”  (Kind of like the flight attendants’ instructions for a change in cabin pressure: put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others).

“I should be a responsible daughter, sister, wife and mother.”  I’ve now replaced this one with the gentler statement of, “I want to be the best, most authentic me I can be, without putting needless pressure on myself.”

Braham states, “When you let should guide your life… you are giving others the power to decide whether you think you are okay or not.  Then, no matter what you decide, you suffer feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and unhappiness because someone thought you should do something else.”

A huge weight was lifted when I went through the exercise and realized I could let go of old negative thought patterns.

When you have a few minutes of downtime, give some thought to the word should.  Are your own shoulds serving you?  And if not, what empowering statements can you replace them with so you’re living according to your own values rather than others’ expectations?

And forget about appearances and how you “should” look and act!  Dance in the rain.  Jump in puddles.  Jump on the bed.  Act ridiculous and giggle helplessly.  It’s your life, enjoy it!

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The Small Stuff Challenge (part 2)

Posted on March 15, 2012 by

In my last post I presented a challenge: to notice and celebrate the “small” stuff in life.  That could be anything - a gorgeous sky, the carefree laughter of a child or the opportunity to lend a helping hand.   Sometimes the smallest things have the greatest impact, and help us appreciate all the things we have to be thankful for.

Yesterday I enjoyed so many small moments.  It was amazing!  I took my son J on a day trip to Toronto to celebrate March Break.  We spent the day with my sister Kira and went on a number of mini-adventures.

Our first stop was the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM).

The ROM’s dinosaur exhibit, Bat Cave and medieval hunting show were a big hit.

It’s amazing how kids live “in the moment” though.  My son was just as happy running around on the grass at a nearby park as he was exploring the dinosaurs.

Kids seem to focus on what’s right in front of them and because of that I think they enjoy small pleasures every bit as much as the big ones.

Children are very smart.

After the ROM we wandered over to Queen’s Park and checked out the statue of Edward VII.  Here he is with his Auntie Kira.

Next stop was Fran’s Restaurant.  Our lunch was decent and we had an amazing waiter.  He was attentive, had a huge smile and (importantly) was patient.

After our meal, Kira made a point of telling him how great he was at his job.  He so appreciated the compliment.  It turned out that her simple, honest comment was a not-so-small “small thing” that really brightened his day.

We left Fran’s and hopped on a streetcar to go to charming little Riverdale Farm.  My son enjoyed the animals, of course, but couldn’t wait to simply climb a tree on the property.  Ah, simple pleasures.

As it turns out, for my son, the highlight of our Toronto trip was taking the streetcar and subway.  Kind of funny, given all the other adventures of the day and the fact that millions of people take transit daily.

For me, one of the best aspects of the day was the complete lack of timetable.  We left the day open to impulse rather than numbly push through the day on a schedule.

So what small stuff did I celebrate?  Lots, but a couple of things in particular: watching my son and sister interact, and viewing the day and its possibilities from my son’s point of view.  It’s a lot of fun seeing the world through the eyes of a curious five-year-old!

Have you taken on the challenge?  If you have, what have you done, noticed or experienced?

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The Small Stuff Challenge (part 1)

Posted on March 7, 2012 by

In the busyness of life, sometimes it’s hard to be ‘in the moment’ and take time to enjoy the small things.  But it’s often the smallest things that are the most rewarding and life-affirming, reminding us that life is not meant to be lived on auto-pilot.

Some great “small” stuff: making someone’s day with a kind word, noticing and enjoying a beautiful sunset, and taking in the scent of the air as everything starts to come alive after winter.

I’ve got a challenge for you!  Over the next week, take a moment to celebrate the small stuff.  Have fun with it!  And I’d love it if you’d report back on something “small” you did or enjoyed.  Here are some examples to whet your appetite:

Experience the pure joy of a child’s laugh.

Compliment a stranger with a real, heartfelt compliment (one you’d normally keep to yourself).  You just may make their day!

Do something silly.  Something you normally wouldn’t do.  Even if you feel ridiculous, it’ll briefly snap you out of any sense of monotony.

Put your face up to the sky, close your eyes, feel the warmth of the sun’s rays and appreciate that you are alive.

Secretly put change in someone’s parking meter before it expires.

So let me know – what small stuff did you enjoy in your day?

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Truth, a Boy and a Bewildered Mom

Posted on February 27, 2012 by

Do these eyes look like they’d accept a simple answer?

My five-year-old, J, has caught me off-guard with his inquisitiveness on several occasions over the past few years.

Before he was three, he grilled me about how and why Rudolph’s carrot got back into the house after Santa and the reindeer came on Christmas Eve.  (After all, the reindeer would have eaten it outside, right)?  Ha – and we thought we were clever gnawing on it and putting it with Santa’s partially eaten cookie to show that Rudolph had indeed chewed it.  We should have left the carrot in a snowbank!

Then, when he was almost four and I was pregnant with our second son, he had questions about the place from which his baby brother would leave Mommy’s body and come into the world.  After I calmly and repeatedly explained that the baby was growing in Mommy’s tummy (an unsuccessful distraction tactic), he started to get annoyed… in his opinion, I obviously didn’t understand the question.  “No Mommy, but where does the baby come out?” 

Sigh.

So his question the other day – not a bizarre one by any means – shouldn’t have caught me by surprise.  My husband and I were hanging out with him, enjoying a family movie night.  All was well and we got wrapped up in the story.  Then my heart sank as I watched the main character charismatically tell sky-high tales about himself to all the new people he met, in order to impress them… and it worked.  They were impressed.

No big deal, right?  But it bothered me.  I wasn’t sure I wanted my tender-aged little guy to see this kind of situation yet.  I didn’t particularly want to introduce the idea that if you’re not comfortable with who you are – something which most kids experience at some point – you could make fantastic stuff up about yourself so people will like you.  Or the idea that lying could make you really popular.

So in the moment, hoping to gauge his thoughts on what he was watching and casually reinforce the idea that lying isn’t a good thing, I made a comment to J.  Something to the effect of, “Wow, he’s lying quite a bit, isn’t he?”  And then J asked the simple, fair question I was unprepared for.  “Why would he do that, Mommy?”

Damn.

Red alert!  Red alert!  Parenting manual please!

How do I explain our hero’s identity crisis and dishonest actions to my son, whose eyes were glued to the screen?  “Well, I guess he’s confused about who he is, so he decided to make up stories about it.  But it’s sad, because his new friends won’t believe what he says anymore once they find out, will they?”

Oh well.  We do the best we can on-the-fly, right?

When I was growing up, my parents jumped at every opportunity to stress the importance of honesty.  In fact it was the biggest rule in our house: Tell. The. Truth.  “We’ll love you no matter what, but always, always tell us the truth.”  If we did something bad we got in trouble for it, but if we did something bad and then lied about it,  well, we were in much hotter water.

So now I, in turn, try to impress the importance of truth upon our little man.  Can’t help it, I come by it honestly.  (sorry, bad pun).  And we also try to reinforce the idea that he’s amazing exactly as he is, and to believe in himself and his own ideas no matter what.  He’s doing pretty well with that so far, though we’ve already seen signs of him altering his wants and likes to match those of the kids he looks up to.

We all try to be the best parents we can be, to guide our kids well, yet give them enough space to figure out who they are, not who they think we want them to be.

Here’s a question for you.  When there’s such an incredible, natural desire for children to emulate the “cool kids” rather than simply be their own unique selves, how do you instill a sense of self-worth and the importance of truthfulness and authenticity?

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